Self Check-ins
by Lebopo Letshwiti Siliwoniuk
Let’s talk about self check-ins, and I don’t mean the check-in you do when you’re about to board a flight. I’m talking about a self check-in that requires silence and mindfulness.
Most conversations start with a “Hi, how are you” followed by the generic response of “I’m good”, “I’m well” or “I’m okay thank you”, although there is usually more to this answer. We have been socialised to respond accordingly and for some reason we hardly ever ask ourselves how we are. I think the first few times you take a moment to ask yourself how you are, it is a rather strange feeling and, instinctively you jump into your socialised response.
WHY SELF CHECK-IN
We don’t always have energy for a yoga class or the patience for a meditation, nor are these the only ways to connect with ourselves. An alternative way to slowdown and connect to the present moment at any time of day is by asking yourself “how are you?”. A great thing about self check-ins is that you are able to observe and sort through your emotions, allowing you to decipher what your emotional and/or physical needs are, where they are lacking or abundant etc., and, from there you can create an intentional plan of action to personally ensure your emotional balance and wellbeing.
As a new mom I also find myself needing to regulate and sort through many new emotions and experiences during the days. Check-ins helps me compartmentalise the rise and falls of my emotions, allowing me to integrate these emotions into the experience. It’s the perfect exercise for a busy schedule.
WHEN TO SELF CHECK-IN
In moments where you feel deeply but are super confused by the emotions that arise this is an exceptional tool. Let’s say you feel a particular way around someone but can’t quite put your finger on it, a self check-in is the perfect tool to sort through the emotions and actions. You will be able to see if it’s a person or possibly a past trauma that prompts certain reactions or sensations, hopefully eliminating the reaction and enabling you to act accordingly.
A personal example of this is with my husband, at times my initial response is to react in a manner that criticises him and who he is but, in actual fact the emotions that arise are caused by underlining trauma responses, which I am required to actively confront. And true to fact, at times there are trauma responses that he imposes on me, requiring him to check-in with self.
Other great times to perform a self check-in is when clouded by emotions, decisions and/or options. Maybe you woke up on the wrong side of the bed or, someone just looked at you funny, or, maybe you just need to connect a little more. Whatever the case is, a self check-in is extremely beneficial to deepen your self-awareness.
HOW TO SELF CHECH-IN
The Self Check-in Check list:
✓ Find stillness: The best form of stillness will be in your external environment. Find a comfortable and quiet space where you can be, or just feel alone. The less distraction the better, so walk away from any electronics or stimulus.
✓ Posture: Tune into your body. When starting off find a comfortable seat, if you desire (or the occasion calls for), you may stand or lay down. No matter what you decide make sure; the parts of you in contact with the ground are deeply rooted, relax your anus (sounds weird but you’ll thank me later), straighten your spine, gently and comfortably pull your navel to spine, drop your rib cage and engage the abdomen, shoulders are relaxed, relax your arms - give them a shake if you like, ensure your jaw is relaxed/ unclenched, the tip of your chin is parallel to the ground, and the crown of your head reaches up to the heavens. Relax the entire body with this awareness.
✓ Breath: Inhale through the nose, exhale through the mouth. You can do this as many times as you feel, as vigorous or as slow as you desire! Keep the BREATH FULLL! INHALE DEEPLY, EXHALE COMPLETELY (I can never stress this enough). Add some movement here if it feels right. On your final breath(s) make an intention, you can make your own or use the following prompt: “I release all negativity, I surrender my desires, I allow all possibility.” Say it as many times as you desire. Keep the breath long and strong as you repeat.
✓ Pop the question: “How are you *insert your name* ?
✓ Body Scan: Allow your awareness to scan through your body and feel into the different limbs and organs of the body. Repeat the question. Take your time. Breath into any difficulty or discomfort, do not name or shame, simply observe.
✓ Sit: Sit with the emotions, sensations, images, words, numbers - what ever it is that came up, sit with it. If nothing seems to come up remain with the emotions and/or sensations, remain in the present moment and connect. Be observant here, do not identify it, just observe it. The issue is not the emotion, the issue is the trigger and the reaction so sit and simply observe.
✓ Rewrite it: If it so happens change is required, know the past is the past, what has happened has happened, the present moment is here and now, and the future is yet to come. You can change your reaction, you accept only the best. Now, reimagine what the best response or feeling, feels, sounds, and tastes like. Reimagine how you truly desire to feel and/or respond. Feel into this with immense loving kindness, it doesn’t matter if the other person was in the wrong, the focus is on you, how you can best navigate your way.
✓ Plan of action: Identify your plan of action for the future. The best route for you to proceed with the life you choose. Look at the different actions or activities requiring you to change, keep or add, to your life to ensure your happiness.
✓ Release it: Release it all! Inhale deeply and exhale completely. Apologise to the other person and yourself. Accept your own apology, forgive yourself. Thank yourself for taking the time to check in with yourself. Create an intention to mindfully move forward with your plan of action.
✓ Write it down: Optional but very impactful.
Remember, as simple as this exercise may seem there are layers to it. It might take a few attempts before you can connect and answer truthfully. At times you may even be tempted to avoid the answer due to the emotions or feelings that begin to arise. The most important thing is to sit and observe, know that all emotions are valid, there are no good or bad emotions, they just are, and, you are allowed to feel.
